The only thing more annoying than Katherine … is Sophie.

Uh, yeah, I saw it the first time.

This is complete bullsh%t — Oprah was totally robbed!

Two-words: Hunger. Strike.

I would expect all government funded agencies to be equally well informed. I tried to get underage prostitution start up advice at the local post office — and they didn’t know s%!$.

Is the winner the guy who shoves the most food in his water-soaked-hot-dog hole, or the guy who’s chair first buckles under the enormous pressure?

The federal government sent about 3,900 economic stimulus payments of $250 each  to people who were in no position to use the money to help stimulate the economy: prison inmates.

That’s just great. Looks like I’ve been screwed, yet again, by my ridiculous law abiding ways.

Really VH1? I mean you guys really nailed it with the first season, you sure you want to mess with that magic?

Crap. Why didn’t someone tell me the government was buying garbage?

The Glee Club wouldn’t have anything to do with me, but Safeway, on the otherhand, welcomed me with big open arms….., and a creepy notion to monitor my shopping habits for the next 10 years.

Once you throw back a few choice brewskis, world problems and societal ills just melt away…. like rich creamery butter.

This cake will never taste as good as that raise you owe me.

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I have no idea what I did with myself all day before I knew what you did with yourself all day.

Or what I like to call blogging about your little trivial useless life events. Dude, If I wanna know what you ate for lunch today, I’ll ask for a stool sample tomorrow.

Tapout? How ’bout Tap-in…..to that seldom used grey matter you have sloppin’ around in that half beaten skull ya got there.

Oh, I’m thrown back alright. To that one unsavory moment in time when all I had to drink was an RC Cola.

But seriously, who knew blatant irresponsibility could be so lucrative?

The only thing this is saving is the sheep I’m not counting.

So this is what happens when you hire a clearly drunken sailor to re-design your once iconic logo.

Or what I like to call showing what happens next before it happens next. It’s like being in a time machine without leaving the couch.

The best part about gold flaked and caviar encrusted food is that it allows me to take the idea of  “eating, drinking and sh%tting money” to an entirely new level.

I don’t see a price on the giant Snoopy. Do you take credit cards?

Full Saturation. Mission Accomplished.

How many straps, zip ties, twist ties, fasteners, and holders does it really take to restrain an action figure?

Apparently, like a zillion.