I thought we weren’t suppose to talk about man-cave.

No sh%t.

Kevin has sworn to open a can of Chuck Norris on someone if he hears the word Tokee-yo again. It’s Toke-yo beeotch.

Pat, I’d like to buy a consonant, and possibly reading classes for my friend.

Is that clear? Kathy.

I thought it was “Ryan Seacrest out”. Why must we announce everytime a pig leaves the room?

….and I call all my lady friends jockstrap.

Nor-Cal. That’s so So-Cal

About five years ago, I formally announced that I would no longer use the ‘FR’ combo. This is what happens.

Everything’s better with bacon, right?

I wish someone would have told me posthumously really just meant “after death” — all these years I’ve been using it describe enormously fat people who lost a bunch of weight.

Look Pinnochio, I don’t need to be buttered up with your stupid acronyms.

You guys are idiots, everybody knows it’s supposed to be “that’s insides the point”.

When I said I was never leaving 3rd grade, dude, I meant it.

If I’m not mistaken the proper use is actually “mmmmm, delicious”.

So now, is this like a house arrest situation, or what?

The problem with soul patches: they totally kill resale value.

I know it’s confusing, but on this planet, we pronounce the TH combo as more of a thhh sound, less of a DUH!

Oh…surely you must mean Kidney-Garden: the place where delicious human organs are grown and harvested.

You’re must be hearing things again.

The only time it is remotely acceptable to use the term verklempt is If your life takes such a ridiculous turn that you are actually feeling verklempt. At that point, I doubt you’ll have any friends left, so in reality, nothing you say will matter anyway.

It’s like living in turn of the century Russia, without even leaving the house.

Once you throw back a few choice brewskis, world problems and societal ills just melt away…. like rich creamery butter.

Instead of beating the dead horse, how about we just stick a fork in it?

I think this joke pretty much writes itself.

Oh, I get it. 8 kids, 8 legs.

Now I just lose sleep thinking about the sheer genius behind that one.

Gigantic + Enormous = Ridiculous

What? You mean what happens in one location can’t be taken to another location? Crap, I guess I should probably try to get my money back on that stupid teleporter I just bought.

Clearly what you meant to say was “Do me a Flavor Flave”.

When someone tells me you are super smart, I will say “no way”, to which they will say nothing.

Of course I use product. I put product on my product.

I have killer chops. Tender. Juicy. Center cut.

Quite frankly, I don’t think I want anything, most certainly food, off any location that has been previously “bellied up to”.

Trust me, it was my pleasure. Jack ass.

Sure, I like food, but I actually consider myself much more of a Drinkie; although, I don’t typically like to be painted with that brush.

So exactly which years are we talking about here? All the years since they invented the Gregorian calendar, or all the years I’ve been so trashed at midnight that I didn’t even know it was a new year.

I like the way this phrase allows me to be annoying, sarcastic, condescending, and inquisitive all in one breath.

It’s [i-kon-uh-mee], stupid.

Anyways.

I think the question really is: “What do you do if I won’t?”

Do we really need to see the son of an Olympic has-been get his “Bro” on for an endless stream of man dates?

I’ve always wondered, is it brother from another mother? Or brutha from another mother?

I may not be heavy set, but I do have a heavy set.

Of steel balls.

I have a better idea. How ’bout you treat me today and stop talking.

As the Olde English Proverb goes: You can’t have your friends and hate them too.

I’m sorry ma’am, they may accept your money in Boocooistan, but I’m afraid it’s simply no good here.

I had an idear once. I called him Bambi.

So you’re really ready to take a bullet for that piece of double fudge cheesecake, huh?

Mostly I just thank my lucky stars you’re not calling them the triplets.

Sure, I’d like to shake my Talibon Bon, but this Burka gets a little suppressive on the dance floor.