I thought we weren’t suppose to talk about man-cave.

My tip rate is 5 cents per ounce.

So, in other words, any submissive bowing.

So the whole vampire thing, that’s an inside joke right?

I’m actually glad you don’t pick up your feet when you walk. At least we now know what a human-sloth hybrid looks like.

Or what I like to call passengers putting their crusty little feet on the dashboard for fellow highway travelers to see, enjoy, and get car sick over.

I know it’s confusing, but on this planet, we pronounce the TH combo as more of a thhh sound, less of a DUH!

It’s not one coat and you’re done……….for life. Maybe you should use primer next time.

A sure sign that those hilarious little Facebook developers must have read 100 Ways to Usefully Employ the Double Entendre in a Semi-Professional Setting.

When I can save up enough money, and my mom says it’s okay, I plan to get a super sweet tattoo of a face…, on my face.

Is that a 1950’s home phone in your pocket….., or are you just a nerd.

What one word comes to mind when I think of chameleon paint? hmmmm, I guess it would have to be classy.

Am I expected to be amused or alarmed ?

32″ Plasma T.V. - $399.99

Waiting in line at the crack of dawn like some mindless jackass just so you can save a few extra bucks; apparently priceless.

Tattoo turtlenecks may be costly and painful, but just think of the many doors they open to wonderful career opportunity and future advancement. No pain, no gain, right?

Finally a hairstyle the Shim Community can be proud of.

Can we safely assume that you also bite your toenails?

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Trust me, no crap is better than that crap.

Geez, way to make a fat guy sweat.

Betsy wanted a diamond — but all Rusty could give her was a freshly minted skoal ring.

Giddy ‘Up Cowgirl.

You know you’re on the cutting edge of hideousness when even Lamborghini doesn’t use Lamborghini doors anymore.

Price includes the ability to create creepy childhood memories; guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Evacuation - exsmacuation. When faced with “certain death” it’s always smart to just stay put so you can party like it’s 1999 — and sunny.

Ew, what’s that smell? — Well, it’s certainly not victory or success.

I’m gonna have to throw a flag for delay of game. I think we might have to go back to the year 2001 and replay the down.

Nothing says you’re in it to win it like getting a dude on dude concert lift.

It’s only gay if you make eye contact.

I just thank my lucky stars that I have fake shatterproof glass in my windshield. That fake half baseball might have broken my fake half skull.

Yeah, I thought you looked like the type that would want someone to bus’ a fake cap in yer ass.

World’s Largest Cake, huh? I guess “World’s Largest Collection of Neatly Piled Normal Sized Cakes” just doesn’t have the same headline grabbing star power, does it?

I guess Drama Majors just need somewhere to congregate after high school; you know, a safe place to get together and celebrate their collective nerd.

Just cause the front of my truck don’t work, don’t mean the back don’t work.

Unless you find yourself crossing paths with an actual Pharaoh, absolutely restrain the humiliating urge to perform some half-assed faux bow everytime you want to act like a lesser human. Trust me, it’s definitely not excellent.

I find absolutely nothing wrong with decorating your yard with garbage. Which is precisely why, in my killer yard, you’ll find one of the sweetest beer gardens outside of Munich.

Why not just throw on a pair of ass-less chaps and get it over with?

Look dude, if that sticker is really so valuable that you refuse to gently peel away the protective paper on the back and adhere the sticker to the proper side of your vehicles window, I sure hope you have good insurance, cause next time I see that car unattended, you better believe that sticker is all mine.